i think things are getting better...im real interested in getting a new baby girl to accompany tuffy when she comes end nxt wk. i guess the wounds are starting to heal. it still hurts, but less... still miss him, still think abt him all the time. don think i'll ever stop thinking abt him. he was so much a part of my life, so huge a portion, even though he was only with us for a yr. but im afraid that the wounds are still there, and im afraid of ripping them open when i think of him or when i look at the photos... the gulf will never fully close, but i think if i tread real carefully over the memories, keeping watch and rein on my emotions (which threaten to drown me, engulf me in a sea of pain which never ends) im ok...

thats why i prefer having things to do, pple to see, bks to read, games to play, sites to surf... just to keep me busy and my mind off dwelling on him. now at least i've got mousie to conc on for the moment... maybe i shldn't get a new baby so soon? but if i dont i might drown... each time i look at the empty space where he once was the knife in my heart twists a little more... but if i look and see a small thing in that once-filled-then-emptied-now-filled-again space, i can channel my energies and broken love into a deserving outlet. maybe the rabbit was right : fairys needs a baby piggie... perhaps i do, perhaps...