i need inspirational music...

him being away doesn't help either..

i need a major destressing session ... can't wait for sunday.. swimming!

i need new direction in my life.. right now its just endless sch and work. and i'm getting tired of lit! amazing.. but true, yes i'd rather do german the whole day than read my lit texts. i think i made a big mistake taking the shakespeare course this sem. i dont think i see myself doing lit next sem..

really, in fact im already looking fwd to next sem... can't wait to get back to euro history. perhaps i ought to have taken history.. ah well..

sigh and there's so much i want to do like watch a whole lot of movies - lilo n stitch and abt a boy have just opened. i've been waiting for those two.

endless, mindless hmwk.. i really need to re-value and re-evaluate my current life. i think i need a break... crazy thought coming from one who's barely into the 1st mth of sch! right... gotta get back to german.. at least that's interesting.

i try to imagine u sitting at a strange desk.. typing on a strange computer.. sleeping in a strange bed,
eating in a strange place, looking at scenery i have never seen, experiencing weather ive never felt...

and i cant.

i talk to u on icq and everything feels the same. even though i know u're 13 hrs behind me...
night is day and day is night... depending on when..

but missing u is universal. i miss u the same whether u're here or there ... and wait till u come back to me again..

envy.. i am filled with envy. what would i give to be able to tour on my own with the one i love? just the two of us, romping across a strange land, taking loads and loads of pictures, laughing, laughing ... having an obscene lot of fun.. *sigh* if only we cld, if only i had the money, if only he weren't thousands of miles away...

(hmm.. to sidetrack. anyone ever noticed we always use the phrase "thousands of miles away" whether we use the metric or whatnot-i-cant-rem-it-at-the-moment system?.. anyone?)

arghs.. perhaps i'll bid my time.. in the meantime.. go check out faithspace's photo album of her recent seattle/vancouver roadtrip! (argh! how cool is that word!!) and envvvy.....

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey..."

msn's got an article on pet cloning... i wish i still had some fur of his or something left. i found one strand of his fur that day... saw it wedged in the crease of a magazine. my first thought was - that looks familiar. the white to brown transition was undeniable... a stab of joy rushed through me... clutching it tightly between my fingers i rushed to the room to try and find a safe spot for it (my very last tangible, physical evidence of him), but there was a lot of wind and when i looked again, there was nothing grasped between my fingers....

... they were replaying an old sitcom on tv mobile today. i was quite delighted when i recognised it. it was one i did enjoy. then they started singing "you are my sunshine" and suddenly my memories were of a v different kind...

"...you never know, dear, how much i love you. so please don't take my sunshine away"...

but he's gone now and for a while the skies went dark and life was colourless, drab and cheerless...anguish was the order of the day and i thought it was over.. but apparently not. there was a period when i cried till i couldn't cry anymore and when the pain i felt couldn't get worse... then it all went away and life went on...but now i'm not as desensitised as i was before and little things can trigger the pain and tears...

i guess i'll never see "you are my sunshine" in the same light again... neither "danny boy" too for that matter (nothing to do with the name, but for the fact that he seemed to calm down more with "danny boy")

all the energy and drive of last wk is gone (ref. entry 15/8)... obviously gone... otherwise this new design wld never have happened so fast. all right.. so i'm putting all my new-found html skills to the test (totally wrote everything frm scratch).. still... *sigh*

i need to start feeling busy abt sch once more. need to get back that groove, con't the roll, start feeling happy again that i'm actually being hardworking... what a start to the new term. and another thing, i need to revert to sane sleeping hours. they're even more screwed now than during the hols (its 5am now)... and one other thing, i thought i promised myself to swim at least once a wk... now where did all that fly away?

thank goodness im not on broadband.. then again even on dialup i seem to be on all the time...

suddenly thought of flowers. white roses rule =) and so does life =) all righty.. sleep beckons. i aim to wake up at 10.. wish me luck

enya's the balm of my soul... i've been listening to her for the past 1 week (!) and it's still the best to calm frayed nerves. i'm stressed, my friends are stressed, everyone's stressed it's ridiculous! its only the 3rd wk of sch! tutorials have hardly started! sigh...

so to save myself from going mad 4 nights ago, i told myself drastic measures must be taken! something must be done to get rid of the tension that was building up.. so i piled on enya. and viola! life is bearable once again. was talking to my friend last night:

"have u ever got the feeling esp when listening to enya songs that they're so magical... so etheral... so out of this world...like they're located in some far far distant phase of time on this earth (much like Middle Earth)? "

" i see green woods, leafy trees, bright sunshine, silver rivers, cooling breezes, meadows and meadows upon meadows of yellow buttercups, and NO pple..."

ok sch's eating at my time.. u guys prob won't see much here anymore. oh and yes, update on my html skills.. hahah i'm learning stuff =) that's gd rite? =) but no results yet... we'll see

never underestimate the uplifting power of friends...the past is golden, the present precious, and the future bright with the promise of more =) today was a happy day =)

okok im totally out of my depth.. looks like i'll have to stick with blogger after all , till the day i become some html whiz (which will be never.. *sigh)

ok pple im fed up with not being able to upload images onto blogger.. or when i try it over at geocities, i cant get the blogger code to work, sooo... i'll be moving, soon that is... this new host seems way cooler (unfortunately, cos i did quite like blogger.. *sigh*). then again prob why i cldn't get anything to work was cos my html skills are like zilch..so till i ooze html prowess, i'll be back (that is if i don fall in love with where im moving to =) right anyway will let guys know when i move k? ta..

hmm.. ok hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. i rem telling someone that i didnt think it that good. it didn't quite live up to the hype i had heard abt it (sort of the same situation with dave barry, but that's another story). but i'm always open to being proved wrong... and i stand corrected. the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy got better...

ok i have to clarify things a little, what i was reading wasn't just thhgttg, but a trilogy (in four parts - as it was put) of the hitchhiker's series (comprising of thhgttg, the restaurant at the end of the universe, life, the universe and everything and so long and thanks for all the fish). and well when i meant it got better, i meant the series got better... and great enjoyment did set in after the initial letdown =)

and now (after finally having got thru all 600+pgs of it in fits and starts), i find myself fondly thinking: wow that was quite gd wasn't it =)

ok so i may love studying shakespeare.. but he sure is tedious going thru.. *sigh* and ive to finish 2 editions of King Lear by next thurs... with all the introductions and notes read of course too!!

done.. feedback?

i dont believe this ... do u?

Universal Declaration of Human Rights

i was just thinking recently, it is quite simple and well within anyone's reach to really sympathise with a person's plight. one can feel intense sorrow and sick revulsion at the horrors of say the Holocaust or war... i do. i feel v much indeed for the victims of Hitler's 'final solution'. it turns my soul cold and hollow when i try to grapple with the enormity of the numbers who were murdered; i feel sick to my core when i remember that much of what happened to the victims was meditated...

but no matter how sad and deeply one can feel for them, it can never truly be empathy, for the simple reason that we did not experience it. a friend's heartache after a failed relationship, yes, maybe, but not this. it struck me hard while i was reading a Holocaust survivor's memoir that : my god, it really, actually happened to him! and there i was lying comfortably in my bed, the air-conditioning on and it struck me with a pang that no matter how much i want to feel for them i cannot, because i cant, i wasn't there.

what struck me most when i was reading one memoir was the author's simple assertion that his bk, unlike the wealth of Holocaust literature out there, was not meant to be a story of the strength of the human spirit, not a story of survivial aspiring to be anything glorious, but rather, simply, it was just his story...

another thing that resonated, in the 5 or so memoirs ive read, was the one fact that stood out... the truth that they were denied the right to live.... not one bk omitted that fact, not one author neglected to tell it... so few words to read, so few words to describe it, but horrifying, chilling beyond words, such that simplicity is its best and only guise - stark, naked, unavoidable...

those were pple, like u and me, children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, uncles, aunties, friends, strangers, simple ordinary human beings, but with only 1 'flaw' that was race... if it was frightening then, to the stunned post-war world, what is more horrifying is that such racial discrimination and genocide is still present in this 'modern' 'enlightened' 'educated' 21st century. whatever happened to "never again genocide"... and even then, as a term it has been used too frequently, that what it stood for: a declaration of justice, a promise to protect, a reminder (of the past) and for the future, an insistence for the basic right to live... is now sullied, corrupted... just look at Rwanda, Armenia, Serbia, Albania... it doesnt end does it?

we as a species, who pride ourselves on having evolved into 'intelligent' life only shame ourselves...

sick and tired ... sick and tired...

i think this place needs tuning up doncha think? =)
wish me some inspiration...

sighs.. i know i missed u.. =( aiyah i icqed back trying to tell u ive got class 6-8pm today. when u called hp, me was in german. oh wells.. anyways icqed u my timetable already. check it ks? =) then can call me!! yay! *muah*

sighzz 75 was so ultra slow getting back today, or at least it felt that way, cos i fell asleep =) hahah using the ez-link card already ok! what an achievement, i so hate that thing.. was telling the pig last night : so they did it... they actually managed to 'force' 3.2 million pple to switch from fare-card... unbelievable.

powerpuff movie was ok.. i think it was too long. the short 30min slots are better. more hilarious when its all packed together. but other than the length it was ok.. and they are so cute =) haha

hope u're having fun! =) tm's brit comedy and i actually (without conscious realisation) im done with 5/6 of the texts!! amazing.. =) its the shakespeare that's gonna be a little more tedious.. ive hardly started any... wish me luck! =)

oh german was fun today, but then again german's always fun. learnt dates/months ... all the easy stuff... wait till we get to the grammar dative and what-not, then i'll go nuts haha =)

the darkness screams at me...
the gulf inside yawns...

i'm just not having such a grt night...

*sniggle* hehehe that's my aim!!
haha and in the meantime... cutes things will grow rounder yes? what with all the $1 burgers and loads of pizza in america =)

dessertwizard

take a look at this man.. absolutely intriguing
if i eat a medium sized brownie, it would take me 4hrs 40mins to walk it off !!
this is enough to swear me off junk food for... as long as i can hold out! =)

Just to look in your eyes again
Just to lay in your arms
Just to be the first one always there for you
Just to live in your laughter
Just to sing in your heart
Just to be everyone of your dreams come true

Just to sit by your window
Just to touch in the night
Just to offer a prayer each day for you
Just to long for your kisses
Just to dream of your sighs
Just to know that I’d give my life for you

For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just to wake up each morning
Just to you by my side
Just to know that you’re never really far away
Just a reason for living
Just to say I adore
Just to know that you’re here in my heart to stay

For you for the rest of my life
For you all the best of my life
For you alone, only for you

Just the words of a love song
Just the beat of my heart
Just the pledge of my life, my love, for you

- John Denver "For You"

countdown:

153 days

his:

Instruction Begins Wednesday, August 28
Labor Day Monday, September 2 (no classes)
Thanksgiving Vacation Saturday, November 23 - Monday, December 2,
Instruction Ends Friday, December 13
Reading Day Saturday, December 14
Final Examinations Monday, December 16 - Saturday, December 21


mine:

Semester 1 Mon 22 Jul 2002 - Sat 23 Nov 2002
Recess: Sun 8 Sep 2002 - Sun 15 Sep 2002
Reading Period: Mon 4 Nov 2002 - Sat 9 Nov 2002
Examination: Mon 11 Nov 2002 - Sat 23 Nov 2002
Vacation Sun 24 Nov 2002 - Sun 5 Jan


and a few thousand miles apart...