http://www.diarist.net/guide/blogjournal.shtml

interesting... this article abt the difference between blogs and online diaries. so looks like i've been heading the wrong way huh? =) well, u decide for urself...

i was thinking about something today, well make that several somethings... a. i would like to write a bk someday (what type i have no idea!) b. i think what pple want in life is peace. only thing is life is such a complicated, materialistic rat race that its often too easy to lose sight of what are the impt things in life. to me those things are : family, friends, living each day just because life is beautiful (incidentally that's one of my fav movies of all time =), slowing down and really taking a look at the world, be it wondering at how blue the sky is, how the trees flower and bloom, then fade and die and bloom all over again, star-gazing... simple things like that. but i think its unfortunate that most pple dont take the time to slow down & appreciate this world we live in.

on and off i think of anna. what i remember most and best abt her is her smile and laugh - the way her face literally lights up, the joy in her voice and twinkle in her eyes. i miss her... a lot. when i think of how life goes by so fast, how everyone's rushing ard nonstop, i think of her. i think of her and how she left us like that ... suddenly ... unexpectedly ... ...

the next memory i have of her or rather not exactly of her is at her funeral... crying ... feeling all alone, and left behind in the world. everyone else had someone to hug them, comfort them that day, i was alone.

the third memory that usually follows is the one of shock. never ever in my life before had i ever been so shocked, stunned into absolute disbelief and silence. i had just spoken to her that very morning... the girl my classmate and teacher who were talking abt couldn't possibly be her.... we were just planning another orientation-grp outing!! i cried for an entire week...

i missed her then, 3 1/2 yrs ago... i miss her now... and i will always miss her. this was something i chanced upon in a bkstore aft the cremation:

Slow Dance
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

i like the water dont u? =) esp nice clear blue water...that's always super nice. too bad we dont have crystal-clear seas here if not i'll be at the beach all day! oh well so i guess swimming pools will do...only that all the chlorine really gets to the hair.. ewwws...

well, am definitely feeling much better today after the swim. more 'alive' *hehe* my plan of getting fit and healthy seems to be progressing! =) i only hope i can keep it up! *grin*

to the rabbit : i love u...ive been mean =( sorry ive been real cranky lots lately... *sighs* maybe i need u to help me sort things out in my head ok? *muah*

sitting at home...nothing to do...bored

update: to correct the previous entry.. i now have *four* links on the right --> yay...some progress.. oh and as u can see, ive change my template too and customised the fonts..nice yar? *hahah* anyway.. as the first link says, its a link to my own homepage (nothing much there yet)... the second link is to one of my best friend's blog. the other two are just 2 very very interesting blogs i came across quite a while back, which i read regularly =) enjoy

i dont think ive figured out where my blog is going just yet... is it supposed to be informative? a daily diary thing? or just my thoughts? do i want to make it 'something' or just 'nothing'? *hahha* im confusing myself =)

anyways finally got the urls to a few...hmm...no, one of my friends blog. gonna put that up...soon once i figure out how to (damn it) ... well when i get it u'll see it then *grin*... later...

i wish there weren't so many lights around. u can't see the stars when u want to *sigh* wish i were someplace where it was all dark and even the teeniest and faintest stars can be seen. =(

everyone's gone to bed. im the only one up in this house...pigs not ard tonite either. i like staying up at nights into the wee hours of the morning doing either nothing or chatting =) ... night is peaceful and quiet. good for bored souls like me *hahahah*

somthg i wrote a few mths back...when i was in one of those moods. forgive the inconsistencies, sp mistakes and uneven flow. i din (and dont) bother to check when i write stuff like this.

In the darkness and the night, despair and lonliness are greatest. I never like finishing great novels because the journey ends when they do and I am left behind. Even more so is my grief when novels like The Lord of the Rings end… the dwindling, the loss, the fading goes straight to the heart. Like Sam standing on the darken shore watching his beloved master and loved friends depart forever from Middle-earth and from his life, I am left behind as well...and it aches. I feel that this is the end, almost. The Fellowship finally sundered, Legolas and Gimli we see no more, Boromir long dead, Aragon on his high seat, Merry, Pippin and Sam, faithful old Sam. It is but the winds of Change and Time, blowing the sands of the past away and fetching the uncertain future, the unfamiliar, unknown, new future. They are but part of the great Story of life, which will never end. Time unravels and stretches far beyond knowing; likewise the Story continues. Bombadil, Fangorn, the creatures and inhabitants of old, far beyond reckoning and history, older than time and memory – “Eldest”. They will remain and endure, and yet not forever. The fading of the glorious past, the softening of the great days, the diminishing of powers old and high… The 3 Rings are no more, mere baubles, relics of power that once was and now gone. And the despair lingers and gnaws, eating further into the sense of loss… the gulf of space and time yawns before and the night is so dark, so black… What that once was is now gone, what that remains is but an echo, a faint mimicry of the past; dwindling and fading even more as the years continue to erode, eating away at what is left. The great evil has been vanquished but at what cost? Innocence, peace, the familiar, rest… all washed away by the necessity of the time, the moment, in the struggle to preserve and protect. That a few must be sacrificed for the greater ignorant. That the hero will rise from the one least likely and yet best suited if only because he sees with his heart and is aware of his inadequacies. And thus, the truly strong are those who fight with love…

pple take me too much for granted... the one who can always be relied on, the one who will always do the thing... wateverrr.. it's just all crap. i always become the one who does everything then and therefore the one who can be overlooked, the one who doesn't matter cos she's the one who doesn't need to be considered or looked at... in effect i become invisible. pple disregard the fact that i also breathe, eat and feel... but becos i'm 'invisible', i don't matter. my efforts at anything are negligible, never considered when everythings ok. and when things arent, or when effort is 'lacking', it's criminal! HA life is indeed funny dont u think?

so all my efforts are things are frm the start wasted since pple dont give a damn abt them. i can do and slog for eternity and pple will con't right on taking me for granted. then when i decide to 'rebel' and not do things for once, i'm beaten up abt it! real hilarious isn't it? i dont do something then pple suddenly notice!! i dont do something and pple complain, pple make noise, pple start scolding, nagging... it doesn't end friend, it never does.

so as far as i see it the equation goes as such:
i do something = pple dont notice, dont bother (ie. i am taken for granted)
i dont do something = pple notice and pple start yelling
which means everything i've ever done is forgotten (convieniently) and ignored and i get beat up for the now. hahhaha this is reallllly funny... it cracks me up man...

yay! the rabbit is back from 'over-seas' hehehe =) *muah* welcome home rabbit..is he a dark and tanned rabbit now? *wink*

well well looks like i've got to change the title of my blog eh? =) hahah i read the year's (well this half of the year) worst line ever. read it yesterday in the forum page. someone was writing in to comment on the new ezlink card. her opening line was: the weakest link in the ezlink system is the bus driver.

hahahhahahahaah *astounding* hahha 'nuff said.

arghsss.. i thought of something interesting to write here yesterday or something but i can't rem it! *sighs*... hmm..anyway today was fun. went out with leo and wanying - they're so cool together =) so sweet... i'm glad i meet them when i did back in jc. the other class pple too =) happy memories to carry with me all my life ... *grins* hahaha a different type of 'glow' eh? =)

hmm...just did some online personality test thingy. quite accurate eh =) haha.. anyway made him do it too =) fits him like a glove!! *muah* love u when u read this =)

i've just realised that i am a cynic.

i've also realised that sometimes the pple u venerate most in this world may not hold u in as high a regard as u think, or hope, or assume they do. i think that thought takes some getting used to... it involves rearranging certain memories u hold dear, it means rethinking certain relationships with pple. though it in no way diminishes the quality of those memories or relationships...

i also think that my life revolves too much ard one person... i think i was a happier, healthier person when i had more of a life, with more friends. too much now is wrapped up in one person such that every happy or sad moment is just a seesaw pivoted ard one... i think i need to start actively involving myself with my other friends... once their exams are over of course! =) *haha*

this past sem was a drag. an entire mth of non-stop assignments, essays and tests. totally drained me. thankfully its all over. maybe now i've some time to recharge, refuel...

it was cool meeting wanying and leo again today. *hahaha* so finally i get to see them together, not as two classmates, but as a couple *hahah* they're so cute =)... the bar was interesting... music a little toooo loud for my tastes but the band was good... dinner was fun too. i miss my class... uni's not fun in that there's no fix class to move ard with. every 3 mths once the sem is over, u just move on. another 3 mths, another batch of tutorial mates, another 3 mths and another batch..... little stops and starts. by the time u start getting to know pple well enough to consider them 'friends', it's time to move on...

and i still can't sleep... been trying to sleep for the past 2 hrs. unhappiness induced insomnia... hahah... damn and no one on my icq to talk to...*sighzzz*