i think im getting excited abt this new html/javascript x-fac i'll be taking soon... for a html newbie (look at my blog! =) i think it'll really come in handy... haha so watch out for a newly improved and more exciting blog in 3mths time! =) that is if i manage to actually deliver what my course instructor says we ought to be able to do. here's the list :

Upon completion of this module, you should be able to:

* structure Web documents logically and follow proven guidelines for web design
* “speak” HTML – hypertext markup language
* design interactive web pages using FORMs & JavaScripts
* apply colours, styles & formatting with cascading stylesheets, and incorporate dynamic HTML features
* create and optimise graphics and animated GIFs, and spice up your web pages with multimedia elements
* understand the technology and design issues involved in the development and maintenance of Web sites.

sigh... sch's starting and i havent even started the things i said i wanted to do:
(i) revise german (i'm so going to die this sem)
(ii) read my lit texts (ok so i read 1play which was like what?a total of 35pgs)
(iii) spend lots and lots and lots of time with the cutes things

not a lot eh? but i totally bummed it... well didnt totally bum the third one, but its close enough. what am i doing with my life? sigh... damn stupid modules. as if life wasn't boring enuff already we've actually got to bother abt mundane stuff like this, why? all just becos the system is screwed...

watched gosford park. been on for wks and wks and yet, surprisingly, the cinema was half-full - not bad for a 19thC british mystery story in the likes of Wilkie Collins (The Woman in White, The Moonstone) , since most pple i know wld definitely give it a miss. unless u're a brit lit/film fanatic like me =) i love their wit so dry, so subtle, impecable timing and oh so hilarious.

*yawn* too tired to con't.. guess i'll leave it at that..

a memory is haunting me...
i remember too much, too deeply, too keenly...
and it reminds me of loss.. wretched, deplored, frustrated loss

i was counting on him to be here, to just be with me,
but the future path is one i'll have to bear alone now...
and the memory haunts me still...

when so much love, endearment and joy has been invested in one small body
when u've believed so much, trusted so much and was trusted in return
when u've known so well, bonded so closely...
the memories dont die so easily

he is gone... and i remain
and soon another will leave, and still...
i will remain...

"and the greatest reward,
it is the light in your eyes,
the sound of your voice,
and the touch of your hand,
which makes me who i am..."

nothings better that hot hot milo (w/o sugar) on a cold chilly day =) just hope the leetle piggies are doing fine in their big boxie... haha now all we need is the last gigantic tuffswuffs to get here.. *grin*

one more thing.. everything in the world's made for right-handers! no fair .. =) haha

small, brown, fuzzy
small, white and silky

welcome wuffles and eda (short for edelweiss)
=)

oh.. and in case pple who don know me real well are wondering if ive really got the dumps bad, one word/phrase/sentence of assurance: if i can ramble, if i talk, if i go on and on and on (even if its in a scarily depressive tone) = im ok (or at least on the mend)... ie. if i dont talk, or talk little that's bad.... (as im sure someone can attest to real well =)) haha... first laugh here in a while eh? precious... i ought to savour this moment...

i think things are getting better...im real interested in getting a new baby girl to accompany tuffy when she comes end nxt wk. i guess the wounds are starting to heal. it still hurts, but less... still miss him, still think abt him all the time. don think i'll ever stop thinking abt him. he was so much a part of my life, so huge a portion, even though he was only with us for a yr. but im afraid that the wounds are still there, and im afraid of ripping them open when i think of him or when i look at the photos... the gulf will never fully close, but i think if i tread real carefully over the memories, keeping watch and rein on my emotions (which threaten to drown me, engulf me in a sea of pain which never ends) im ok...

thats why i prefer having things to do, pple to see, bks to read, games to play, sites to surf... just to keep me busy and my mind off dwelling on him. now at least i've got mousie to conc on for the moment... maybe i shldn't get a new baby so soon? but if i dont i might drown... each time i look at the empty space where he once was the knife in my heart twists a little more... but if i look and see a small thing in that once-filled-then-emptied-now-filled-again space, i can channel my energies and broken love into a deserving outlet. maybe the rabbit was right : fairys needs a baby piggie... perhaps i do, perhaps...

i can't help it... i still want him...
i haven't had enough time with him
i haven't played enough with him...

bloody hell...
i put on 1.5kg

damnit

why didn't god give pets souls?
would i ever meet them again?
is it the absolute end when they go from us?
is that what forever really is?

i cant imagine not even having the hope that i'll ever see him again
i still feel him...
i still feel he's here...

i still cant believe he's really really really gone

i cant pet him now whenever i want to...

where do pets go? i'd rather be with them when i die than anywhere else...

a little thing u'd raised from baby to maturity, all that love,
attention, time, energy lavished and heaped upon him
all gone now...

nothings left but memories and pictures...
sometimes that's not enough isn't it?

1.55pm 7/7/02 - death in the family...

goodbyes are the hardest to say

letting go is as bad...if not worse

and the ones left behind are all but heartache, tears, puffy eyes, runny noses
and a large, empty, black, yawning, aching hole inside...

i dont think i'll put up the little piece i wrote a while back in preparation for this day
except.. that... he taught us the tenderest love that could ever be taught,
he brought out the best in all, listened to us without complaining,
tolerated all our nonsense, accepted us, and best and most of all...

loved us right back with all the selfless unconditionality of a beloved pet...

the world is suddenly emptier, quieter and listless...
no more words for now...

woohoo.. had my first brush with the workings of the law and the men-in-blue tonite! some fiasco downstairs my blk involving a guy (prob high.. and i dont mean high on alcohol) and a van. the guy was lying down in the middle of the road blocking traffic on the 2-way street... high drama in the still of the night!! *shiver* it was morbidly thrilling, exciting becos i've never ever seen any 'crime'-in-action before (the sizeable number of heads poking out of their windows is definite testimony to that yah? =) yet the danger of the situation did make it's presence felt when the guy got up and started pounding and kicking the van. he even broke one of the side mirrors... thankkk goodness for the police...

and now.. its back to peace and quiet and the boring stillness of the night... how exciting can running through, over and over again the pages of x-facs, looking for something 'interesting' which uni stipulation insists we find (and take) even if it's as interesting as a door nail. perhaps i can find a doorknob.. that might significantly be more exciting...wish me luck.

(oh and did i forget to mention... depending on how cruel Fate will decide to be on me in 2 days time, i might not even get my doorknob of a 'choice' which would mean: damnit! now i still have 2 more xfacs to go, having already gone xfac-less for 2 entire sems. hopefully my new-found status as year 3 - final year will get me somewhere... then again there have been horror stories... ah well deal it as u will Fate!)